Before you were born, or even growing in my belly,
I had so many fears.
Some of my worries were for me,
And some were for you.
Surprisingly, many of those fears revolved around bodies.

There are two kinds of body fears..
The helpful kind,
And the ugly kind.
I had both.

The moment I knew you were living inside me,
My helpful worries felt like this—
Am I getting enough water today?
My muscles need to be worked out so they can be strong..
Did I take my vitamins?
What can I eat that will give me energy?
I need good sleep so my mind is active and awake..
Am I doing too much and causing my body stress?
What can I do to avoid getting sick?
What should I not eat or do to make sure my baby is safe?
I need to prepare myself and my home for her arrival..

My ugly worries felt like this—
What will I look like after I’m finished with pregnancy?
I am getting so fat.
Will my stomach ever recover?
WHY THE ACNE??
What if my baby dies? Or has severe health problems?
I don’t know if I can handle her getting sick..
Will I ever be attractive again?
There’s so much that can go wrong with a child..
How will I protect her from every harm?
Ohhhhhhhhhhh no. Stretch marks.
Don’t post any pictures of my swollen self.

Helpful worries make us strong, healthy and prepared.
Ugly worries make us weak, insecure and self-consumed.

I wish that you would never have ugly worries about bodies, your own or anyone else’s.
I never want you to obsess over your size or shape,
Or hate anything about what you are.
I never want stress to overwhelm or debilitate you,
When there are parts of being human,
(like sickness and death)
That we just can’t control.
I have lived far too much of my life with the ugly worries.
I am trying so much to change.
To see myself differently..
To trust that hoping and preparing is better than
doubting and obsessing.
I am trying to change for you.
So that you could somehow avoid all the ugly..
But I know that despite my desire to protect you,
You will have times when you feel it too.

When you do, my beautiful daughter,
Please remember this—

The most shocking thing to me about pregnancy,
Was the fact that your growth and development was unconscious for me.
I just had to be healthy myself and take care of my own needs..
But you were built piece by piece IN MY BODY..
Without any thought from me.
While I slept, while I studied, while I played..
You developed a heart that beats,
A mind that thinks,
Arms and legs that work and move,
Eyes that see,
A mouth that tastes and talks..
Isn’t it just fantastic??
A complete miracle.
Your body was created inside of mine..
And you know what?
I will love my body forever for giving me the thing I love most in life..
YOU.

And my oh my..
Your body!!
As I watched you this first year of life..
You changed EVERY DAY right before my eyes.
Your growth and development fills me with awe and wonder.
At birth, you could only cry, suck and poop with that tiny, helpless frame.
Now you can run, laugh, play, smooch, imagine..
It’s amazing how quickly your body adapts and changes.
What a beautiful and wonderful tool!!

Between God and myself,
There was a lot of sacrifice that went into giving you your body.
It is truly a blessing and a gift.
Helpful worries will allow you to treat it as such..
Ugly ones won’t.
I hope that you will see your body with all the awe and wonder that I do..
And learn to love every part of you,
Not because of how you look, but because of what you can do.
I hope you will care for yourself to prepare for the future..
But let go of the fears that bodies break down, age and die..
Because Christ made sure that we would all be made alive again.

I promise I wouldn’t ask you to do these things if I wasn’t also asking them of myself.
I hope by the time you read this letter,
You know your mother as a strong, confident, healthy and hopeful woman..
Who loves and reveres her own body,
With all the awe, sanctity and respect it deserves.

I LOVE YOU.

-Mom