We live in a culture that sells sex, self-absorption and vanity;
That believes a woman’s worth is based on her beauty and body.
Society also tells us that “beautiful” has been distinctly defined as one specific look.
So we pay insane amounts of money to fill, tuck, pluck and shape…
Invest ridiculous hours at the gym,
Obsess over portions, diets, fashion and fads,
All to look EXACTLY THE SAME as everyone else.
Is that psychotic or what?
For years, I bought in.
I believed that I would be desirable if I could fit this unrealistic ideal of “beautiful”…
And obtaining that ideal would make me blissfully happy.
I tried so hard, stressed so much, and invested all my best efforts.
After my second year of college, I thought that I had finally arrived.
I had landed the boy of my dreams,
We were making plans to get married and I was completely in love.
We had the date, the ring, the dress…
When, one day, my boyfriend called the whole wedding off.
To say I was devastated… is a bit of an understatement.
I felt an immense sense of failure.
If I had just been more beautiful, more fit, more fun…
Maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
Maybe he still would’ve wanted me.
In trying so hard to prove I was “worth it,”
I forgot what really gave me worth.
And it wasn’t until I was rejected by the person I loved most,
That I finally woke up and realized I had been poisoned.
I bought into the lie society sells…
And it only left me anxious, broken, empty and unfulfilled.
Anything but blissful, or even remotely happy.
So I sought the opposite of everything the world advertised.
I signed up to be a full-time missionary for my church,
And three months later, found myself sweating my face off in the Philippines.
My life, up to this point, had largely revolved around me.
My comfort, my preferences, my family, my friends, my needs, my enjoyment.
And suddenly I was stripped of everything comfortable… or even familiar.
I was showering out of a freezing bucket,
Being eaten alive by mosquitos,
Living with girls I couldn’t relate to or even communicate with,
Eating what looked like raw meat over rice for breakfast,
Hand washing all my dishes and clothes,
Waking up to cockroaches scurrying up my neck,
Tromping through muddy jungles,
Spending sleepless nights melting during the frequent power outages,
And wishing… more than anything…
That I could just talk to my mom on the phone for five minutes.
I began to recognize that if I continued focusing on myself,
I would not survive. I would give up and go home.
So I did the only thing that seemed logical at that point.
I tried to see beyond my own pain, loneliness, and frustration…
And, immediately, something magical began to happen.
I started to fall in love with the Filipino people.
Their success, progression and fulfillment became more important than my own.
Serving them became my greatest passion, focus and privilege.
And so every day for the next year and half—
I did my best to forget myself and give them all my love and attention.
Fast forward to the end of my mission, when home was just weeks away.
I wore the same worn and raggy clothes I had hand-scrubbed since I started,
Complimented by rubber, muddy Crocs.
A balding bun held what was left of my hair,
With the remains of what make-up hadn’t melted off my salty face.
My constant diet of rice had settled plumply in my cheeks and belly.
I was riding home in the cab of a tricycle
(A little buggy pulled by a man on a motor bike),
Holding our groceries for the week on my lap,
Raw fish/meat dripped blood and other mystery liquids down my legs.
I physically looked (and smelled) probably the worst I ever had in my life…
But as I was bouncing home,
I looked up and caught a glimpse of myself in the cab mirror.
And I couldn’t look away.
My countenance was shining so bright it literally shocked me.
There was a tangible light bursting out of me…
So radiant and brilliant
That, for the first time in my life, I said to myself,
“I am so beautiful. I am so beautiful.”
In that moment, I saw my true identity.
My essence.
My power, light, spirit, intelligence, potential.
And it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
The most beautiful me.
I knew in that moment exactly who I was…
Where I came from,
My purpose in life,
Where I wanted to go.
And the most overwhelming peace and joy filled my soul.
“Constant concern about the self is bondage. Self-forgetfulness is freedom.” -C. Terry Warner
Everything that society sold had brought me bondage.
Bondage to my insecurities, anxieties, fears and frustrations.
But forgetting about myself and being consumed in the service of others had brought freedom.
Freedom from all the pain, worry and stress.
Freedom to have eyes to see.
Freedom to love, help, hope and heal.
I know where true identity comes from.
I know how to unlock it.
And it is my greatest passion to help others do the same.
So if you are struggling to understand and love who you really are…
Join us on the Embracing Essence journey!!
The world needs truth.
The world needs you.
TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO JOIN OUR CONFIDENCE CAMP!! Follow the link below to register!